


Filling The Void

by Not_Sense



Category: Adastra (Visual Novel)
Genre: (He does), Angst and Feels, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Comfort, Crying, Gen, Mentions of Death, Self-Acceptance, Self-Esteem Issues, The Astral Plane, but because there are no clocks in the story, not because he doesn't know, the character can't tell time
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-09
Updated: 2021-02-09
Packaged: 2021-03-15 18:20:05
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,616
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29318517
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Not_Sense/pseuds/Not_Sense
Summary: Cassius is in an induced comma following his poisoning by the hands of Cato. The body cannot move, but the mind? The mind can go places, not all of them comfortable. But perhaps there is something to be gained from being trapped in this nightmarish astral plane. If Cassius is willing.
Kudos: 5





	Filling The Void

Everything was a whirlwind.

The images, the sounds, even the smells and the flavours. Everything spinning around him, disorienting him, making him forget. He could barely recall how it all started; someone had given him something to drink? Were Alex and Virginia there? He didn’t remember. He couldn’t remember anything.

Except the pain.

All that pain, agony, and fear. Constants in that chaos of sensations, like a searing nail that pinned him in the middle of that storm, the one last reminder that he was still alive, but that very soon he very well couldn’t.

At one point everything began to calm down. It wasn’t sudden, a slow progression in which the senses became muted. Bit by bit the colours dimmed, the sound became silence and the smells disappeared, even the pain became more bearable. But as Cassius left behind that horrid storm, he found himself in the middle of a vast all-consuming darkness. An emptiness that could only be described as, quite simply, the absence of everything.

Was he dead? Cassius didn’t feel like had died, but in his current state he couldn’t be sure of anything. He tried to call out for Alex, Virginia, Amicus, even the human or Cato, anyone he could think of. But he made no sound, he could not speak or yell, therefore there was no answer. Then he tried to run, but his body felt heavy, like he was tied to hundreds of rocks, slowing his attempts at running into nothing but a crawl. Perhaps he was in the process of dying, and all of this darkness and impotence was how it felt to slowly have your life drained away. “Is this how mother felt, in her lasts moments?” He asked himself. He hoped not; such a harrowing experience, to feel yourself slip while being unable to hear or see those who love you.

Suddenly he felt tired, very tired. Cassius lied down into the middle of that endless dark and tried to sleep, hoping that perhaps like this everything would be over. Not that he liked to prospect of that, like everyone else he would’ve preferred to continue living, but right now everything felt like an uphill battle, and he was too tired for that.

With what he assumed to be his last thoughts, Cassius looked back at his life, it was true that he had lived a privileged life that many envied, but at the same time it all had been so unfair. He was dying and he nothing to show for, he had accomplished nothing. He had spent his life trying to prove wrong everyone who thought he should be nothing more than a footnote at his brother’s shadow, but when the moment had arrived, he had merely pretended. Pretended in hopes that the lies would become truth and make him feel better. The lies had stayed lies, though, now he would have to spend the rest of eternity in The Amalgamation, resenting how utterly fruitless his life had been and how right everyone else had been, forever chained to their judging eyes. And worst of all, he would have to face _her_ judgement.

“Such an unfair life.” Cassius thought, not even his last moments could be peaceful.

********

Cassius could feel himself waking up. On one hand that gave him hope, perhaps that meant he wasn’t dying after all, on the other, he wasn’t precisely sure is his current situation was really any better than being dead.

The second thing that he realized was that he wasn’t in that endless void anymore. He found himself in… space? It certainly looked like it. For whatever reason, it felt incredibly familiar, like a vague memory. Upon closer inspection, he realized something else. The space, it felt artificial, like he was looking at the background set of a movie. Trying to move around to get a better look at the place he was in gave into his final realization.

He didn’t have a body.

Even in that dark emptiness, Cassius still had a body, he could not see it, but he could feel it. But now? It was as if he was air, as if his body filled all the space, but at the same time was nowhere. He tried to move his arms and legs, even his tail, but it was no use, they just weren’t there. At that moment Cassius was nothing more than a floating consciousness in the middle of a fake representation of the universe. With nothing else to do, Cassius waited, for something, anything, to happen.

After what it had felt simultaneously like an eternity and like a second, Cassius realized that something _was_ happening: he was remembering. He knew this place, it was exactly like the dream where he had encountered that demon, sent by the Parents to mock him. He remembered how he had ended up in here, that morning, the wine, the poison, Cato. As everything pieced itself together, he came back to the same question: Was he dead?

He had been poisoned, by all intents and purposes he _should_. It was true that with a fast intervention, it was possible to survive poisoning, but if Cato was behind it, he was sure he would’ve prevented any sort of help to arrive to make sure he perished. But if he was dead, why wasn’t he on The Amalgamation? Or was it that he had been barred from joining it? Not that it would surprise him, all his life had been a stream of denials: by his father and his court of asskissers, by Cato, by the Parents themselves through their infernal puppet, even by his own siblings. So why not the afterlife itself? At this point not being denied something would actually be a deviation from the norm.

**You are not dead.**

The voice reached Cassius, coming from every direction at once. In a way it was as if someone was whispering directly to his mind. Much like the space that surrounded him, it felt awfully familiar, even if he couldn’t quite place it.

**Concentrate. Will your body to be made and it shall appear.**

The wolf didn’t like to be ordered around, but he really couldn’t do anything else, so he gave it a try and concentrated into obtaining a physical body. After a moment, and as the voice said it would happen, Cassius felt how out of thin air his body began to materialize, soon enough it felt as solid and real as it used to be when he was alive in the real world. Or at least he assumed this place was a figment of his imagination, not really sure of how all of it actually could fit with, well, reality and the universe.

**You should already know this place is real. After all, you tried, and partially succeeded, in intruding while you were attempting to force contact with The Parents.**

“Who is speaking? Show yourself to the emperor!” with his physical body back, and the realization that he now could speak, and Cassius wasted no time in starting his demands.

**You are still arrogant as ever, false emperor. We expected that your near-death experience would’ve humble you a little, but perhaps you are a lost cause.**

Out of nowhere, a draconic figure with flaming hair appeared. A figure that the white wolf recognized all too well, he hadn’t quite identified his voice at first, but now he was making the connection. It was that monster again, that demon that The Parents had sent to torture him when he had tried to establish contact with them.

“No, no, no, no!” he panicked, trying to run away from the monstrous figure standing in front of him, “Help! Anyone, help! Please!”

**And as still as cowardly too.**

No matter in what direction he ran, the flaming reptile always ended up in front of him, he tried running in the opposite direction, to either side, even past him, but there was no escape. Gasping for air, Cassius finally came to a halt, surrendering to the futility of trying to avoid The Monitor.

“What do you want?!” he asked, between heaves, “What do you want with me? What have I done to deserve this?”

**You took what it was not yours to take.**

“What? Wait, you mean the emperorship? I won that-”

**You cheated.**

The Monitor silenced him with his booming voice.

**Not only that, but then you proceeded to be the puppet of that brute. Even as a false emperor you cannot even bother to _be_ the emperor.**

“I… It’s not that easy, I…” Cassius struggled to find his words, “I… I don’t have to listen to _anything_ of this!” the wolf turned around, with the determination that if he couldn’t escape the dragon, then he would ignore him until he left him alone.

The reptilian rumbled, or thought, Cassius wasn’t exactly sure if it was one or the other, or if the rumbling what him thinking, nonetheless he pressed on in his own quest to ignore whatever the Monitor said.

**You want to be left alone, yet you dread solitude with your own thoughts.**

While his own ears had swivelled betraying that he had, in fact, heard what the drake had said, the wolf forced himself to keep on ignoring, his mind made up on the issue.

**So be it then.**

At first, he had paid no mind to those words, but after a moment he realized that he could not hear the characteristic rumbling that accompanied that wretched creature. He had actually left him. Once again, he was alone in the middle of that space-that-was-not-quite-the-actual-space.

At least now he had a body.

********

Without a clock of any sort, or at least a celestial body with a regular and recursive movement to act as reference, it was impossible for Cassius to know how much time had passed. He only had his own senses to go by, but in such place, he knew those were completely unreliable. Simply put, there was no way for him to know how long he had been trying to escape from that cosmic cage. He had tried everything that he could think of: walking in a straight line towards the horizon, trying to ‘float’ away, meditation, concentrating in making appear an exit, but nothing had worked. Even is a flash of desperation he had considered that perhaps the only way to escape was to take his own life, but he had quickly discarded it as too morbid, even for wretched creatures as the Parents were.

He sat down, or at least that is what he thought he was doing, there wasn’t really a ‘floor’ even though if he wanted it, he could feel as if he were on some sort of flat surface. He was out of ideas, without a clue of what to do or anyone to ask for help. And to make matters worse, the demon’s words had been gnawing at the back of his head for a while now.

“Even as a false emperor you cannot even bother to _be_ the emperor.” Cassius repeated to himself. “As if it were that easy.” He muttered under his breath.

Contrary to popular beliefs, the role of emperor wasn’t some lazing-around and ‘signing the odd law from time to time’ kind of deal. The bureaucratic and political responsibilities of the position were numerous and extensive, to the point that it was virtually impossible for the actual emperor to do all of them. That is why the role of the advisor was put in place, someone that would be able to act on the emperor stead on the less important issues. And this what exactly what was happening in his case: He had attended official meetings, officiated speeches and signed a few decrees, and Cato had simply charged himself with doing most of the busywork. It was true that Cato had, little by little, shifted most of the duties to himself, but he had insisted on it, alleging that this way Cassius could focus on preparing and the laws and changes that he had promised during his campaign. All of that was part of Cato’s job, it was what advisors were for, right? Even if he, hypothetically, admitted that he mostly spent the day idling by in the throne room while his advisor hogged all the power for himself, what was he supposed to do? It wasn’t like he could really stand up to him, Amicus could barely make a dent on the old wolf on a good day. What could someone with his condition even do?

Cato had imprisoned Amcius, made Virginia politically irrelevant and, if his sources were correct, attacked the khemian. And as much as he despised those arrogant, pompous, know-it-alls, laying hand on one of them, one of the pharaoh’s sons no less, was incredibly stupid, dangerous even. But Cato always got what he wanted, and, realistically, Cassius wasn’t someone who could stop him. How pathetic. He was the emperor and he just couldn’t order his advisor around, he had to move behind his back, afraid of the repercussions.

What that why that blasted thing had called him a fake emperor?

If he had won the second trial, as he should have if someone hadn’t leaked his plans to dissolve the triumvirates, he probably would’ve ended up in the same position: with him wasting time in the throne room, sitting on that humiliating booster seat, while Cato accumulated all the power onto himself on the pretence of only wanting to help him. So he really wouldn’t have been the emperor either.

Looking back from now, it was so all so evident, and so easy to admit. He did nothing an emperor would do, he did not act or behave like an emperor would. He was just a puppet. At the end it probably wouldn’t have mattered whether he had obtained the emperorship legitimately or not. Cato was the one in charge of deciding who would win the bid. He would have become emperor on way or another, because Cato wanted someone who could be bullied into giving him all the power. And if that person refused to cooperate? Then give him poisoned wine and take all the power directly.

Somehow the poisoning felt like the worst part of it all.

In spite of all his underhanded treachery, Cassius had still expected Cato to have some sort of decency, that he wouldn’t _actually_ try to kill him, or harm Amicus. They were the sons of his best friend, that had to mean something to him. Obviously, he had been wrong, at the end, Cato had only cared for power. Probably he didn’t even see Cassius as someone eligible for emperor; he was merely a means to an end. He had feared that he would be seen as a failure, then, that he would be seen as a fraud, as it turned out he was both; and he would not even be a footnote at the shadow of his brother, he would be the forgetful preface to a tyrannical dictatorship.

The wolf breading was jagged and uneven, at some point during his downward spiral he had started to cry, his tears running down his cheeks and falling into the vast nothingness. He covered his face with his paws and balled up his body.

He was a failure.

He was a fraud.

He was nothing.

He _wanted_ to be nothing. Cassius wanted to be small, smaller than anything, so small that he would not have to care or be cared by anything. Cassius made himself small, he poured all his strength into making his frame and body take as little space as it could be possible. He shrunk himself again and again, until the only thing that was left of him was a pup, fur white as freshly fallen snow, silently sobbing for his misery to end.

********

Beyond the starry horizon, The Monitor had been observing Cassius’ breakdown, and now he was waiting on The Parents deliberation. The situation was certainly unusual, while the properties of the dimension actually allowed for such thing to happen, this was the first time that something like this had occurred. Beyond that, however, he had nothing else to say on the matter. He was merely a conduit for The Parents will, and while he had been graced with sentience and a small degree of autonomy, it was not his duty to create or form his own opinions on any matter, everything that he believed was a reflection of The Parents own opinions and thoughts.

The false emperor had ascended by using treachery, leading astray Adastra and its people, undoing everything that the Parents had set up, to the point they had to force an intervention, using the human to correct the course of events. Then, when everything seemed that was going to go back to an acceptable path, the advisor had staged a coup, and everything was sent off rails for the second time. Once again, the human proved vital to set things back on an optimal course, by both disposing of the treacherous tyrant and by helping bring the true adastrian emperor back to his senses and submit to The Parents’ will again. The only thing that was left to deal with now was the false emperor; while he had stepped out of his role, and arrogantly decided to call himself worthy of sitting on the throne, it was undeniable that he possessed a set of skills that, put to the right use, could make Adastra’s transformation faster and smoother. But now that he had regressed to the status of a child, in the most literal sense of the word, it was impossible to communicate to him his intended role.

While he kept waiting for the new instructions, he felt something. It was The Amalgamtion. Something, no, _someone_ was abandoning it, they were forcefully reclaiming their individuality and setting themselves apart from all the collective. This was unusual, and very concerning. Fortunately, he didn’t have to inform The Parents, they had felt it too, and they were already deliberating about the issue.

After a moment, the entity managed to completely separate themselves from The Amalgamation, and they were beginning to manifest their physical body. In the middle of that ethereal cosmos the silhouette of another wolf started to appear, a thin, slender figure that soon became physical enough to be able to be seen. Their fur was white, not unlike the false emperor’s own fur, and they dressed in a regal silken robe, covering themselves in a silver shawl. They walked taking long secure steps, moving with celerity towards the infant form of the false emperor. Once they reached him, in one swift uninterrupted motion, they scooped from the surface where they were lying and cradled him in their arms, and walked off into the distance, losing themselves among the celestial bodies.

After the events had transpired, the Monitor continued observing the formerly occupied emptiness, deliberation still not arriving. While he didn’t need for the concept of time, if he had, The Monitor would allow himself to say that ‘today had certainly been an unusual day’.

********

When Cassius felt that someone was picking him up and taking him away, he had not resisted. He surrendered himself to that force; with his eyes closed he could not know who or what had taken him, nor he cared to find out. He would continue that way, he would not resist, react or even acknowledge them, he would be a like a toy, they could do whatever they wanted with him. In the middle of his apathetical resignation, he realized something. The smell. He knew it, he remembered it. It was _her_ ; it was his mother’s smell.

But that was impossible. She was dead, gone. The only explanation was that he was suffering from sensorial hallucinations. She was not real. It was not real. Still, he somehow was finding certain comfort on it. And if he was going to spend gods now how long in here, trapped in this void with the only ‘company’ of that infernal dragon, he would make the most of these reliefs, even if they were fake. A thus, the wolf let himself be cradled, all while the familiar smell of his mother lulled him to sleep.

There were no dreams.

In fact, he was not sure if he was asleep or not, but he felt like he was resting. His mother smell still surrounded him, and he still could feel how he was being held by someone. He, or, rather, them, weren’t moving anymore. A part of him was curious, it pushed him to open his eyes and discover who or what was that had taken him, and why did they smell like his mother, the other part feared that if he opened his eyes he would be met with that familiar nothingness and the illusion would break.

At the end the need to know won the pulse, and he cautiously opened one of his eyes. He was met with someone wearing a white robe, fully opening his eyes, he looked up to see the face of whoever that had taken him.

She was exactly as he last saw her.

Her white fur, the faint eyebags, the tired smile. Even then, she still was beautiful.

“M- Mommy?”

“Good morning, my little snowflake.”

The sound of her voice, her secret nickname for him. All things that he thought he would never hear again.

Once again, Cassius cried, but it wasn’t like the desperate sobs from the last time. It was raw, the tears filled his eyes to the point he could not see anything, his sobbing was loud and coarse of how much he was forcing his throat, and it was constantly interrupted by the heaving of his hyperventilation. He was crying like the time he saw her lifeless body or when he broke down with Alex under the statue in the garden.

At the sight of that, she merely hugged him tighter, gently shushing him and telling him that everything was alright, that he could cry all what he needed. And there she stayed, sitting in the middle of a fake cosmos, rubbing his back in circles while he emptied all the repressed emotions that had been boiling underneath him for so long.

The size of the circles her hand had to make to rub his back became bigger until the small child he had taken had gone back to his fully grown appearance. The wolf hugged her tightly, but with care, all the while his sobbing and crying remitted until the only thing that remained was an uneven breathing. Then he separated himself from her and looked his mother once again.

She rose a paw, placing it on one of his cheeks.

“Look at you, all grown up. My little snowflake.” She said while stroking the fur on the side of his face.

He took her paw in his, bringing them in front of him, and clasping them with his other. She was real. It was her. He didn’t know how or why, but it was. Cassius wanted to tell her so many things, he wanted to apologize for not being with her on her lasts moments, how he and Amicus had grown distant, about father’s death and the trials. But somehow he could only voice one question.

“Are you ashamed of me?”

She adverted her eyes, looking away for a moment, before gazing back straight at him.

“I know you had good intentions in your heart Cassius, but I cannot abide for some of the choices you made,” before Cassius could say anything, she continued, “I’m also aware that not everything is as easy as merely choosing, you were forced into uncomfortable positions, manipulated, even threatened. But please, you must understand that just because I do not approve of what you have done, it doesn’t mean I think less of you.”

“But I… Everyone else will, mother. I ascended to the throne as a fraud, and even then, I will have the shortest reign in recorded history. I’m a failure, I’m useless.” He turned his head away from her, in shame.

“You are neither of those things, my son. You have merely lost your way.”

“But it’s true! I cannot do anything by myself, everything that I accomplished has been because someone else has helped me or interfered in my favour.”

“Is it?” she let go of his hands to be able to cup his face and turn him face-to-face once again, “You won the first trial on your own merits. And all the speeches you gave? People gave their support to you because they believed in the causes you were leading with.”

“Not that any of that matters now. I’m sure the reason Cato tried to kill me was to put himself as emperor. I don’t know what his real policies are, but chances are that they are radically different to mine, and also to Amicus’.”

The she-wolf remained silent, as if he was pondering something very important, she turned her head around, as if he wanted to make sure that she wasn’t being spied on. Then she beaconed her son to come closer to her.

“I’m not supposed to tell you anything, since there isn’t supposed to be interference,” she spoke in a low voice, as if she was telling a secret, “but for you, and for the situation we’re right now I’ll make an exception. As you more or less can assume being in The Amalgamation means that we can be… ‘aware’ of what is happening in the world of the living.”

“So you know what happened after Cato poisoned me?”

“I’m not aware of all the specifics, but I can tell you that the human and Amicus have managed to overthrow Cato in a duel.”

Cassius absorbed the information that his mother had given him, and after a beat of silence, he let out a sigh of relief.

“I guess that is… good. Amicus must be the emperor now. As he was always meant to be. And I’ll fade to obscurity, to become the footnote that everyone told me I would be.”

“Don’t sell yourself short. Just because something is not going as expected doesn’t mean you have to give up.”

“If you can know what is going on in our world, then I’m sure you know Amicus and I don’t see eye-to-eye when it comes to politics.”

“Why did you want to become emperor, Cassius?”

“What?”

“What did you hope to accomplish? What did you want to do with all that power?”

He really wanted to tell her what he told everybody, that it was his birthright, and that he was vastly more qualified than his brother, that he could lead Adastra back to the glorious destiny it deserved. But he couldn’t do that. He couldn’t lie to her.

“I… I just wanted to fix things. You look anywhere in Adastra and the only thing you can see is misery, poverty, and inequality. There are people starving, suffering from diseases that basic healthcare would make them a non-issue, those who live in the city have to live in cramped undignified rooms with a single wage that is barely enough to pay an overpriced rent, while people in the rural areas have to do arduous physical labour that just breaks their bodies because no-one has thought in funding better equipment for them.”

Cassius had gone on a rant, completely unstopped by his listener.

“And it’s all sustained by a corrupt system that was put in place to merely make it look like the rich elites cared about someone else other than themselves. If I had been emperor, I would’ve been able to help, to change things. I would’ve been useful; I would’ve been able _to do something_.”

“My little snowflake…” She finally interrupted, words soft as she placed her paw on his chest, where his heart was, “You have so much kindness, even if you rarely show it. You care for the people of our moon and, more importantly, you are willing to do something. Don’t think that just because you are not emperor that kindness is wasted, expand your horizons. You want to help? Find the way, there is always more than one path to accomplish what you seek.”

She took his paws and got up, helping them both in a standing position. They stood in silence, holding each other’s paws and enjoying their moment together.

“You are smart wolf, Cassius. I know if you give it some thought, you’ll be able to find a solution to your situation.” She finally broke her silence, before kissing him on his forehead.

“Tell Amicus and Virginia that I love them, and that I miss them so much.”

“This is goodbye, then?” His voice was shaky once again.

“I’m afraid so. I have taken a huge risk separating myself from The Amalgamation like this, it’s best if we don’t prolong it any further.”

Cassius hugged her. One last hug, the one that he wasn’t able to give her when she passed away.

“I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you, on your last days. Father told us that you needed rest, and then you… you… And I couldn’t even bear to look at you afterwards, and I looked myself in my room and just tried to forget everything...”

“I understand, Cassius. Don’t worry, we might not have had then, but we have now. This goodbye is worth more than anything The Parents could have ever given me.”

They end the hug, and she takes one last look before departure.

“Goodbye, Cassius.”

“Goodbye, mother.”

He watches how she turns around and leaves, walking towards the stars before completely vanishing. Once again, the wolf was alone.

Cassius felt tired, probably because of all the crying and hyperventilating, but surprisingly, he didn’t feel sad, quite the opposite, he felt at peace. The empty void that the lack of closure with his mother had caused, a void that had eaten him from the inside out and corroded him with bitterness, had been filled. He felt content, perhaps not happy, but now he had more certainty that he could get there.

Sitting down, legs crossed, Cassius meditated once again. But this time it wasn’t to escape, he wanted to reflect, to put his thoughts in order. Mother was right, there had to be another way to help, he just needed to figure out how.

********

How long had he been stuck in that place? And for how much longer would he be stranded in it? Cassius had given up on finding an answer to both questions, instead focusing on making the most of whatever “time” he had available. He knew that Amicus was emperor, which meant that all his policies sooner or later would be implemented, he didn’t like many of them, but that was what he had to work with. It also meant that he would have to discard many of his own policies, especially those who entered in direct conflict with his brother’s. He would have to pick and choose, prioritize what policies he really thought were needed for the people of Adastra and if they could be implemented or if they would need to be changed.

But before all of that, the first step was to determine the way he could get his policies, or at least a reasonable part of them, in place. Amicus cared for Adastra, so at least he had that starting point - better than having to play politics with Cato, if anything - but he couldn’t count on having to convince and beg to his brother for each change. Not only it would be humiliating, it would also be too time consuming to be effective. If he wanted it done, and wanted it done correctly, then it he had to do it by his own hand. That meant he needed an official position within his brother’s court.

Adviser was out of the question. Too much work completely unrelated to his goals, he needed a position that was geared towards the administration of public service. A position that would allow him to reach directly to the population, skipping over the triumvirates and their hole-filled hands.

Suddenly, the epiphany hit.

Chief of Social Affairs.

Cassius didn’t know how he hadn’t realized it sooner. That position was perfect to do what he wanted. In fact, it was so fitting, it almost seemed it had been specifically made so he could, eventually, take the position implement all the economic and social changes he felt Adastra needed to improve the living standard of all the population. Yes, it was certainly a stroke of luck that he had realized the emperor’s court had a position that was almost designed for him. Almost too good to be mere luck, but he wasn’t going to give _them_ any sort of satisfaction.

With that out of the way he now was able to focus on how to best translate his plans to this new position. As emperor, he basically could’ve decreed it so, but as Chief of Social Affairs he’d need his brother’s approval as well as having to deal with whoever he ended up giving the advisor position. Little by little Cassius remade his plan, and after a while he felt like he was making good progress. Then it started.

At first it was barely noticeable. It was hard to describe, but it was like a nagging sensation, as if someone was watching him. He ignored it, time and time again, focusing on his plans. But the presence grew heavier. Cassius could feel how he was observed, that gaze constantly distracting him and breaking his concentration. The heavier the observing presence became, the more recognizable it was for the wolf. Eventually, it was impossible for him to keep planning, both because the sensation of being watched was too strong to just be ignored, and because he had realized who that presence was.

But because he knew who that person was, Cassius decided to continue ignoring him. Even if he could not concentrate on his plan and had to put all his efforts into actively blocking him out. He opened his eyes and looked around him, to check whether he was right, and it was actually him, before continuing on his ardent task of deliberate ignorance, but he couldn’t see anyone. Somehow, that was the final piece of evidence that all but confirmed it was him. Only his father would make his presence an unbearable weight, but wouldn’t have the decency to actually make himself present.

What was his father doing here, he wasn’t going to concern himself with. Probably to lecture about how he had dared to “touch” something that was for Amicus and not for him. He had spent too much time trying to gain an approval that was never going to come, craving an attention that had just not been there.

His father had not had words for him in life, in turn why would he have to waste words for him in death?

Cassius bore the looming presence of his father, doing nothing but staring at the distance and his best to not acknowledge him. He felt in the back of his head how he was trying to tell him something, how his father was trying to make him aware of his feelings.

The wolf steeled himself, if his father was merely trying to admonish him for his mistakes, then he wouldn’t be saying anything that he had not told himself already, and if he had actually changed and wanted to make amends, well unfortunately then he would discover the consequences for his actions. No matter what he wanted, neglect would be the only thing he’d get.

With time, it became easier and easier to ignore. And what once had been an oppressive gaze it slowly returned to being nothing but background noise. At one point Cassius even realized that he wasn’t even making an effort at tuning him out, the sound of his own thoughts completely drowned his father’s attempts at communicating. And eventually, he fell silent. Maybe he had declared him a lost cause, maybe he had admitted defeat. Either way, he was finally free to continue his self-appointed task.

**Interesting. You seem to have found balance during your stay in our plane.**

Cassius heart nearly jumped out of his chest. He had been so absorbed in his planning that the telltale rumbling that signalled the presence of that diabolic drake had completely flown past his ears.

**I assume it has to do with the wife of the former emperor.**

He stood up and turned around to face the drake. The Monitor was still imposing and intimidating figure. The Monitor still scared him to death, it made him want to run away and hide. But he had to stand his ground. The dragon was the only way out. The only way to ‘go’ home.

“Whatever happened between me and my mother is not your concern, nor The Parents.” Cassius tried to project the most commanding presence he could muster, in order to hide all the fear he was feeling.

**We know of the conversation that transpired if that is what you are implying. We recognized the positive effects that it could have on you, that’s why The Parents allowed it to happen.**

So that was what the Parents did? They merely calculated outcomes and if they didn’t like what they saw they bullied people into the position they saw fit? They didn’t care about people, just about some ‘big picture’ they used to justify their cruel behaviour. Cassius had never seen himself as particularly devout to The Parents, but the recent experiences with them had given him a very different view of what most the population held. Whatever plan someone with that kind of behaviour had, he wanted no part in it.

**I assure you; your conception of the Parents is as wrong as those who see them as omnipotent beings who cannot do any wrong.**

The wolf suppressed a chill in his spine. It was not the first time that it seemed like the dragon was reading his mind, and he didn’t like it one bit.

**But I am here for something more important that your conception of the Parents. You know that role was not to be emperor, but now that you have decided to become Chief of Social Affairs, we have an important mission to –**

“No.”

The answer seemed, momentarily, to catch The Monitor off guard. Cassius swore he could’ve heard how the distinct rumbling that accompanied that beast everywhere stopped for the split of a second.

**You are not aware of –**

“NO.” He cut him again, this time with more force.

“I don’t care what plans you or The Parents have for me. I don’t want them. Because I know what this is,” with an accusatory finger, he pointed towards the flaming animal, but in turn was regarding the situation with his usual hard-faced, but neutral, expression, “you’re like all those people who did nothing but condescend to me with their pity. Who gave me watered down assignments because they didn’t see me capable, to distract me so I wouldn’t worry about being the youngest child forever doomed to live at Amicus’ shadow.”

The Monitor opened his mouth to talk, but this time he wasn’t even allowed to start.

“I don’t know what The Parents want, nor I don’t care. _I_ know what I want. What I want to do. What Adastra needs. And I will succeed.”

Cassius took a step forward boldly approaching the creature that had caused so much grief.

“So now you can send me back to my body, or however this dream-hallucination works and then you tell The Parents that it they are so interested in someone doing that work you’re speaking of, then they can look for someone else to string along in their conspiracies.”

After a moment of silence, The Monitor rumbled a response.

**Very well.**

And thus, the eternal darkness began anew.

Once again, he couldn’t see anything, not even his body. Unlike the first time, though, he could hear something, it was far away and very muffled, but it sounded like some sort of beeping. Little by little the sound became more clear, more concise, until it became clear it was the beeping made by medical equipment, the kind they hook patients in critical condition into. Did that mean the beeping was for him? He had been poisoned, if by a miracle he had survived, he probably would be attached to a million machines that would do everything for him. Not long after the sound had become clear, Cassius started regaining awareness of his own body. It was weak, too weak to move, or at least to make big movements, he could twitch his fingers or his ears, but that was it. It was frustrating to find himself in such situation, especially after having had so much free range in that dream, but at least that meant he was finally back. With effort he opened his eyes, but he could only see a blur, silhouettes dancing around him, and before he could distinguish anything, he was once again cast back into the dark.

The second time he opened his eyes, everything was clearer. He could make out the ceiling and all the machines that surrounded him, and somewhere on the edges of his field of vision a nurse busied by. The moment he noticed him awake, he rushed to his side, the nurse was saying something, but at that moment, even If he could hear the words, he was so exhausted that he just could find the meaning in them. From that point onward his state of consciousness came and went, alternating between the darkness and the ceiling of his hospital room, with each time the scene changing, sometimes he was alone, sometimes the was a doctor, others a nurse, or perhaps both together. Eventually he stabilized, his periods of consciousness and unconsciousness became less erratic, which allowed the doctors and nurses to establish routines to check on him. He regained some forces, he still couldn’t move or barely even talk, but he was now capable of understanding what people said.

Cassius became used to the nurses and doctor’s chatter very quickly; he was even able to distinguish the voices. That was why he was taken by surprise when one day, when he was waking up, he heard a voice that didn’t belong to any of them.

“Is he awake right now?”

He knew that voice.

“I assure you, Your Imperial Majesty, we’ve been monitoring your brother and his cycles of consciousness and unconsciousness are stable, if he’s not awake now, he will be very soon.”

The answer of the doctor just confirmed his suspicions.

“But is he OK?”

“All the toxin was purged and his vital signs have been stable all thought the induced coma and since he woke up from it. His body is just in an estate of extreme exhaustion, with time he will make a full recovery.”

“But what about possible sequels? Or if the toxin was not completely eliminated? What if it’s just hidden somewhere and when we think that he’s fine the toxin activates and he gets sick again?”

“Amicus,” that silky female voice, he knew that one too, “calm down. You have heard the doctor; they have everything under control.”

“Yes, but…”

Cassius wanted to call their attention, but he could barely make any coherent sound, merely grunts and slight head movements to indicate ‘yes’ or ‘no’.

“Mmmmmghhhh.”

He couldn’t see it, but he could hear how everyone swivelled towards his direction. Immediately after, he could hear the loud stomping of his brother, as he properly entered his field of vision. He stood next to him, with his paws half raised, wanting to reach and touch him, but being too afraid to do so.

“Cassius.” His brother’s breathing was suddenly very shaky, and he could see tears piling up on the corner of his eyes, “Cass…” he finally reached for one of his paws, grabbing it with both of his, leaving it completely engulfed by them.

“Doctor, could you give us a moment of privacy, please?” Cassius could hear Virginia starting to approach after making the question.

“Yes, of course. I’ll be right outside if you need anything.”

Soon he was able to see her too. She stood next to Amicus, placing one of her paws on his brother’s shoulder, and smiling at him.

Finally Amicus couldn’t hold it back anymore and started crying. He got as close as he could, trying to bring the paw that he was holding as close as possible to his chest, as if he was trying to give him a hug, and that was the only way he could do it.

Cassius wanted to be furious. After everything that he had done, how he had treated him, insulted him, abandoned him to suffer Cato’s fury. He shouldn’t be here crying in relief that he was alive and well. In fact, neither of them two should be visiting him. They had to run the empire, something that was much more important than him. His life didn’t matter, why would they waste time on him?

He weakly squeezed Amicus' paws, as he turned his head towards them and mustered all his forces to be able to smile. They were here. They were here for him in spite of everything. They cared for him. They loved him, he loved them. For the first time since mother’s passing, Cassius felt like he belonged in a family.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reaching the end! Now, the notes.
> 
> \- I hope I got all the names and concepts right. Honestly I didn't feel like running up and down the VN just to make sure, and sorry to say but the wiki kinda sucks in this regard (lot's of missing information), so suspension of disbelief I guess.  
> \- Originally the story followed after Cassius woke up, we would seen how he negotiated his position as Chief of Social affairs and how he would've have interceeded in Alex behest to avoid his forceful repariation. But at the end I decided to cut it, I will explore it in another fic in the future.  
> \- Cassius is by far my favourite character that's why I decided to start with a fic about him, there is a lot that could be written about him or Alex. Amicus is a nice character but he's unfortunately too bland and reliant on other characters to work properly.


End file.
